My dear friends,
Alas, the fleeting dawn of youth! Gone are the days when a night out in our beloved capital would cause no worse damage than the faint memory of having exposed myself to a parking warden. Sadly, these days my hangover nausea reaches the dizzying lows ordinary mortals only experience when suddenly confronted with a picture of Simon Cowell.
In such dark hours of the soul, one must look to mother nature for a remedy. When, last Thursday, the final pain threshold was crossed, my only recourse was to turn to homeopathy. Inventor Samuel Hahneman’s ingenious method – let like be cured by like – could have earned the house of Romanoff billions, were it not for the permanent cloud of alcoholic vapours that obscured my ancestors’ foresight.
Applying Hahnemann’s highly scientific principle, it was imperative to immediately get pissed again. Luckily, in what can only be described as a meaningful co-incidence, my old friend Billy Chainsaw had remembered to add my humble name to the guest list of that most health-giving of establishments, the Horse Hospital.
On arrival, your slightly unsteady author was relieved to notice that the 200 year-old venue has retained the original access ramps designed for the quadruped, complete with herringbone cobbles and hardwood slats to stop tottery hooves from slipping.
Downstairs, relief was soon administered. Behind a partition in the small hall, a kindly and knowledgable bartender immediately recognised the miasm that caused my symptoms and served the necessary remedy in the correct dilution (Ethylene 5C, or to use its pharmaceutical name, Becks 5% ABV).
In the best British tradition, treatment was free and open to all; although I soon found out that this was courtesy not of the NHS but of Bizarre magazine’s CUT!, a monthly film night featuring gory B movies.
Bizarre’s presence also went some way towards explaining the barred windows and steel tethering rings on the wall but, with hindsight, these have probably more to do with the old stables than the magazine’s pre-occupation with bondage.
After the screening of Eaters – Rise of the Dead (an extremely graphic and enjoyable experience) and several doses of the natural hop product I felt much better, and ready to face the grindstone of another night’s imbibing.
The Horse Hospital has hosted the best (and worst) of contemporary art, film, literature and music for over 17 years. But, true to the history of this fine venue, it continues to provide a robust cure against that most modern of ailments – ennui.
Your grateful patient
Max Obolensky
CUT! is the monthly film club by Bizarre Magazine. To get onto the guest list, see http://www.thehorsehospital.com/past/kinokulture-past/cut-free-monthly-film-club-from-bizarre/The Horse Hospital Colonnade, Bloomsbury London WC1N 1JD Tel: 020 7833 3644 Nearest Underground: Russell Square
http://www.thehorsehospital.com
*
